My Hair Is Sexier Than Yours
by CrazyNerdyFangirl
Summary: "The fact that emo hair seemed to attract people of all genders was practically scientific law. What kind of person did glittery rainbow hair attract?" Fang needs a haircut, and Nico sets him up for much more. A tale of glitter, too many colors, a busty blonde, and those goddamn blowpops. Fang/Nico. One-shot.


**AN: I actually started this forever ago but only finished a few weeks back. This story then sat on Google Docs for like three weeks because I was waiting for my friend to beta it, and she didn't, and I forgot about it, then I remembered it, and I got another friend to read it, and my first friend beta'd it, and here we are. I can't believe I just wrote over 2,000 words about Fang getting a haircut. **

**Much thanks for BookHunter and BugleOutLoud for beta-ing. :D This is dedicated to BookHunter because she wanted me to write it. **

Being dragged to get a haircut by his boyfriend was not how Fang had wanted to spend his Tuesday evening. He had expected to have hot I-missed-you-so-much sex after Nico came back from whatever-the-hell he had been doing, but when Fang opened the door of his current seedy motel room to see Nico standing in the doorway, he knew that whatever his significant other had in mind wouldn't go along with his plans.

"We're going somewhere," Nico declared with a glint in his eyes. Before Fang could even protest, the shorter boy had dragged him out the door. Fang couldn't even fully appreciate the fact that Nico had obviously been _working out_ (last time he'd seen him, he could barely lift the extremely fat cat that belonged to one of the fans of Fang's blog—which had been fortunate for him because as soon as Fang had succeeded in picking up that goddamn cat, it had pissed on him) because he almost lost his footing about a million times when being dragged down the stairs.

"You couldn't have used the elevator?" Fang complained.

Nico grinned. "But that's no fun."

"_You're_ no fun," Fang retorted childishly.

"That's not what you were thinking last time you were in bed with me." Fang shut up because when Nico was right, Nico was _right. _

When the sunlight hit Fang's eyes, he blinked like a man who had just seen the sun for the first time in ages. Nico asked, "Man, how long have you been cooped up in that room anyway?"

"I lost count after the first week," Fang said sheepishly. He scratched the back of his head. "How did you find me here anyway? Last time I heard, you were at camp doing God-knows-what. Is the world about to end again? If it is, give me fair warning, okay? I kind of want to know if I'm about to die."

"Duly noted. And last _I_ heard, you weren't complaining too much about my ability to find you wherever you go."

"How romantic," Fang deadpanned.

"For future reference, if you don't want people to find you, you probably don't want to post pictures of your motel on your blog. I had to lie to all the fangirls camped out in front that you were getting ice cream at that place down the street."

Fang began grumbling about fangirls and why-can't-I-have-hot-fanboys-instead, so he almost didn't notice that Nico was tugging on his arm again, dragging him past the creepy hot dog vendor with a mustache, the adult book store where Fang had spent many a bored afternoon, and all the little buildings in between. It took Fang fifteen minutes and a whole lot of grumbling to realize where Nico was dragging him.

"Oh, hell no. Not here, not here. I'm leaving." Fang tried to wrench his hand out of Nico's grip, but his boyfriend was too strong (he really needed to figure out Nico's new workout regime). Panic ensued. He needed to get away get away get away...

"It's been forever since you last cut your hair!" Nico protested. "Your hair looks like you suddenly decided Lucius Malfoy's your new hero." Nico pantomimed excessively by stroking hair that reached down to his butt and waved around what Fang assumed was an invisible pimp cane.

"And there's a reason for that. I don't trust people with sharp objects near my head."

Situated in front of the couple was CeeCee's Hair Salon. It was an old building, but it seemed like this CeeCee had tried to fix it up the best she could, with blinking lights in the large window in the front and fairy lights adorning the outline of the door. If Fang had reservations about sharp objects near his head before, he was even less inclined to allow someone named "CeeCee" to wield them. Whenever Fang passed the hair salon before, he usually kept a wide berth, preferring to leave the people who willingly walked inside to make their own poor decisions without his (obviously impeccable) advice to get far, far away. The situation reeked of unfairness. It wasn't like Nico's hair was any better than his.

Nico sighed. "Are we really going to fight about this? I always win our arguments."

"That's only because you use bribes," accused Fang.

"Yeah? And I didn't hear you complaining last time."

"I mean, just because you know my weakness doesn't mean you can exploit it," Fang began ranting.

"You're so…"

Ten minutes later, Fang was sitting on a chair in front of a mirror, sucking on a lollipop. His hair salonist/barber/hairdresser/what-do-people-even-call-them-these-days had yet to show her (hopefully her; he would hate to be a male named CeeCee) face. Nico waited next to him, patting his hand in a caricature of comfort. "I hate you, you know that?" Fang mumbled around the delicious candy in his mouth. "This is the _last_ time you're going to be able to bribe me with lollipops." He had a thing for those goddamn blowpops. They were _irresistible. _

"Yeah, yeah." Nico waved a hand around and dismissed Fang's declaration. "That's what you always say."

The place stank of chemicals that made Fang slightly nauseated. He'd much rather be at a candy store buying more lollipops or at least somewhere he could _eat_ things. Most of the products here were toxic and probably not edible. The most he could hope for was to get high off the fumes and escape to his happy place before anyone touched his hair.

"Nico, _this_ must be your adorable little boyfriend!" a high-pitched voice squealed. Fang spun around in his chair to face a curvaceous woman with really big blonde hair and red fingernails. Fang wondered how Nico knew this woman, but knowing how freaking strange Nico's life was, he'd rather not know.

Adorable, his ass. Fang was sexy, hot, handsome. _Not_ adorable, no matter how many females seemed to think the adjective came anywhere near describing _this_ chunk of goodness.

"Uh, yeah. This is Fang."

The woman beamed. "Fang, what an _adorable_ name! I'm _CeeCee_. It's _so_ nice to meet you." It seemed that this woman couldn't get through an entire sentence without emphasizing at least one word.

Great, Fang was going to get his hair cut by CeeCee herself and not one of her hair cutting minions. Somehow, the thought did nothing to comfort him.

"Uh, actually…" he began, but CeeCee had already spun him around so that he was facing the mirror. She draped a black apron over his clothes to prevent hair from covering them as she cut. Nico and CeeCee exchanged a loaded look behind Fang's back. It probably didn't bode well for Fang.

"What the hell—"

"Just keep sucking on your lollipop. Don't worry about anything. CeeCee's got it under control," assured Nico.

"But—"

Nico deftly unwrapped another blowpop—cherry-flavored this time—and stuck it in Fang's mouth.  
In retrospect, Fang probably should have paid attention to what was being done to his hair. He could hear the buzz of the razor, the inane chatter that CeeCee and Nico managed to keep up, the almost imperceptible sound of his beloved chunks of hair hitting the dirty tile. He probably couldn't actually hear this, but imagining he could made the experience a whole lot more poetic. It seemed that every time Fang surfaced from his lollipop-induced haze and began to notice things outside of the lollipop he was currently sucking on, Nico gave him another one so he never ran out. It didn't occur to Fang that this haircut was taking an inordinate amount of time and that CeeCee should have been able to wave the razor around a few times and just finish.

He did notice when CeeCee began putting something wet in his hair though. "What are you doing?" he asked anxiously.

"Honey, this is just so I can cut your _hair_ better," she replied.

Fang shrugged and continued sucking on his lollipop, content with her explanation. God, lollipops really _did_ impair judgment, didn't they? They should be given to all government officials as gifts so that they could act even more idiotic than currently.

"We're _done_," CeeCee practically sang.

"What? Already?" Though Fang knew in his head that the haircut had taken longer than usual, the fact that he'd been in a daze for most of it seemed to have skewed his perception of time.

He shook off the last vestiges of his sugary euphoria and stared into the mirror.

And stared.

And stared some more.

His first instinct was to scream. His second instinct was to start ranting like an old man who had just gotten his false teeth stolen. His third instinct was to just faint in shock.

He settled for disbelief.

"It's…rainbow-colored," Fang said slowly, not fully comprehending the situation. "Like…colors. Of the rainbow."

CeeCee looked self-satisfied. "That _would_ be the idea."

"And is that…glitter?"

"New semi-permanent kind, _just_ came out."

Fang ran a tentative hand through his hair, as if he was afraid that it would explode if he stroked it too hard. Multicolored stripes ran through his formerly beautiful, sleek, shiny black hair, from front to back. Shiny spots of glitter caught the light. At least she had cut it properly. It no longer hung to his shoulders. Fang could almost admire the artistry and time it must have taken CeeCee to pull this off without his noticing. You know, if it had happened to _anyone else. _He looked ridiculous—a kid dressed in all-black with garishly colorful, glittery hair.

"Rainbow," he repeated, still dazed. In the mirror, Fang could see Nico trying to muffle his laughter.

"_Yup_, Roy G. Biv, Richard of York gave battle in vain, _whatever_ you want to remember it by," said CeeCee.

"It's even in the right order too!" Nico chimed in.

Fang could practically feel the steam coming from his ears as he whirled around in his (admittedly very spinny) chair to face his soon-to-be-dead boyfriend. He pointed an accusatory finger. "You! You planned this!"

Nico had the audacity to not cower in fear. Instead, he looked like his birthday had come early. His wide grin seemed to almost split his face in half, and he radiated smugness. "It was kind of your fault. If you had just agreed to a haircut when I first asked you three months ago, I never would have done this."

All Fang could do was babble. "B—but th—this…"

Nico ignored him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing CeeCee a thick wad of cash. "Keep the change."

CeeCee shook hands with Nico and took the money from him, sticking it into her bra. It was an amazing feat. It didn't look like she had any room in there, considering all the boobage. "If I didn't like money so _much_, I probably would have done this for _free_ just to see the look on your boyfriend's face." Her grin matched Nico's.

And indeed, the half-pout-half-angry-bird look on Fang's face was pretty damn amusing.

Fang had spent his entire life cultivating his image. Mysterious. Unapproachable. Coolly stoic. And it all fell apart in hours. He felt like his life had become a soap opera. Horrifically betrayed by the one he loved. Forced to go through torture that would leave lasting emotional scars on his person. Fang gazed at Nico's hair in jealousy. They once had the same annoyingly mainstream, emo, long bangs hairstyle. In fact, their mutual friends had taken to calling them the Emo Hair Twins, and while both of them vehemently denied that their hair was cut in any specific style at all, they were both secretly pleased. The fact that emo hair seemed to attract people of all genders was practically scientific law. What kind of person did glittery rainbow hair attract?

Fang finally got up the nerve to ask, "How long will the color last?"

CeeCee patted his head. "Ah, only a_ few_ months."

Nico had the good sense to get Fang out of there before he started throwing things around.

They walked back to Fang's motel in near-silence. Nico was still chortling to himself, mumbling things like "can't wait to show people" and "so many colors." Fang planned for a very reclusive "few" months as he decided how many lollipops he should buy to last him his foray into the life of a teenage hermit. People certainly stared, but most of them just accepted it, passing Fang off as "one of them crazy kids." But Fang had never been worried about them—it was the people he _knew_ who would actually tease him relentlessly about this. He could hear the jokes already.

Nico finally broke the silence. "You have to admit that this is kind of funny," he said weakly.

"Nope. Not gonna happen."

"It doesn't look that bad," he tried.

Fang's glare shut him up.

Nico twitched, his mouth closing and opening in quick succession. Fang sighed. "If you want to say something, you might as well just say it."

Nico blurted, "You know what the best part of this is?"

Fang was almost too afraid to ask. "What?"

Nico hesitated for a minute, wondering whether his actions would upset Fang even more. Finally, he decided he couldn't resist and ruffled Fang's hair playfully. "I can now say that my hair is officially sexier than yours."

**AN: No, I don't have a ridiculous obsession with Fang's hair. Why would you think that? **

**Review?**


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